Koi No Yokan
by Mia Vaan
Summary: koi no yokan - premonition of love; the sense one can have upon first meeting another person that the two of them are going to fall in love; refers to the knowledge that a future love is inevitable.


**Disclaimer: TMNT and its characters belong to Nickelodeon.**

 **AN: Dipping my toe in this fandom after reacquainting myself with the show. I found some Japanese phrases which I wanted to write a story around, but writer's block seriously slowed things down and in the end I wrote a series of 200 word drabbles.**

* * *

 _koi no yokan ~ premonition of love; the sense one can have upon first meeting another person that the two of them are going to fall in love; refers to the knowledge that a future love is inevitable_

She thought the warmth was gratitude at first, when he placed his hand atop of hers.

"If the Kraang found you before, they could find you again," Donatello was saying, on his first visit to her aunt's place since the kidnapping. "All I'm saying is, if you don't feel safe here, then you're welcome to stay in the lair. Master Splinter said he didn't mind…"

His hand kept brushing her shoulder. He didn't realize he was doing it, and April didn't mind. The gentle touch made her feel safe. It gave her a sense she'd never felt before.

A feeling she mistook before as gratitude towards him, for saving her and helping her.

"…you could have my bed. I wouldn't mind. I fall asleep in my lab most of the time, so I can just sleep there…"

She was tempted to go with him, but needed to keep a sense of normalcy.

But the feeling was almost frightening. It wasn't gratitude. It was a sense of promise; a promise of a future filled with joy and wonder and thrill, with skin brushing against skin and lips against lips.

It was a sense of love.

And April wasn't ready for that.

* * *

 _takane no hana ~ someone or something one desires but is far away or unattainable_

She hadn't meant to overhear their conversation.

"Do you think April will like it?"

'It' was a small chain with a single silver pendant attached, in the shape of a turtle. Donnie must've made it himself.

The necklace was beautiful, but April dreaded the moment he would give it to her. She'd been ignoring his advances, unable to accept him, but unable to turn him down, either. All the while trying to ignore feelings deep within her, telling herself they were _wrong_.

"It's never gonna happen, Donnie," Raph told him. "We're mutants. She's a girl, you're a giant talking turtle. The sooner you get used to it, the better."

Donnie's expression was heart-breaking.

And in that moment, April felt horrible.

The turtles weren't monsters, and yet, she'd been treating her best friend as such. Treating him like he was unlovable, just because of what he was.

What was worse, she herself was a mutant. She added an extra pile of guilt for the thoughtless contradiction, and the excuses she'd been telling herself suddenly fell away. None of it mattered anymore.

She sent a quick text to Casey, cancelling their date, before walking into the lair like she hadn't heard anything.

* * *

 _aienkien ~ a couple strangely but happily united; uncanny relationship formed by a quirk of fate_

Outside the apartment, people were screaming. Her father was passed out in his room, and Mikey was raiding the fridge. April finished the bandage on Donnie's arm as she ignored the chaos of the world around them.

Donnie was picking at the loose threads on the couch. He was nervous.

"April…since this is probably the end of the world, and all… I have something for you."

He reached into a pouch and removed the necklace he had made weeks ago.

April had been waiting for this moment. She gave him a big, grateful smile, and immediately placed it around her neck to show how much she appreciated it. Her heart sped up at the wonderment on her friend's face.

"So…" He averted his gaze downwards, cheeks heating up in that adorable way they always did whenever he was around her, "…maybe I should…tell you something…"

But she already knew. She knew all along, ever since he leapt after a helicopter to save her. And then leapt off of it to catch her.

She placed a finger on his lips and said, "Splinter told you once to feel instead of think. It was advice I needed, too."

Then she kissed him.

* * *

 _koibito kibun ~ the feeling tenderly and delightfully experienced between new lovers in a relationship_

April was the one who decided on the sleeping arrangements.

"I said we need to be quiet, April."

She would take her parents' old room while Casey took hers, to be relinquished to Leo when he woke up. The remaining three turtles would sleep on the couches downstairs.

"It's not my fault you can't control what noises you make."

Only Mikey was down there. Raph was keeping vigil on Leo.

"And it's not my fault your lips are talented."

While Donnie was next to her in bed.

"Complaining?"

"Nope."

She smiled as her hand cupped his cheek. In return he caressed her hair, and she sank into his touch. Everything seemed brighter; more colourful. She was so giddy she felt like she was going to explode, while her skin tingled with what she could only assume was happiness.

New York had fallen. Splinter was lost. Her father mutated (again). And dammit, she needed some happiness in her life to keep her sane. Kissing her secret boyfriend was totally allowed.

"Besides," she told him, "I can hear Casey snoring away down the hall. Nothing short of an alien invasion can wake him up." He winced at her comment. "Too soon?"

"Yeah."

* * *

 _natsukashii ~ a warm, sudden feeling of sentimentality in which small things bring back some old, good memories while one remembers the fondness and goodness of that time_

Plenty of her family's belongings were left behind during their rush to leave the farmhouse. Clothes, mostly. But a number of her old toys, too.

"I'm not your first turtle, huh?"

April turned to Donnie and smiled, before showing him the stuffed toy she'd pulled out of the storage box. "His name's Tobias. I always wondered what happened to him."

The turtle was a darker green than Donnie, and had black beads for eyes. A single memory came to her, of her father pushing her on the swing as she hugged the toy close to her. Those had been some good times.

She gave it to Donnie, who examined it with a little smile on his face. That smile lifted further when he began searching for something, and found it in the form of a small, yellow cloth. He turned his back to her, and April struggled to see what he was up to. But he kept blocking her view much to her (amused) annoyance.

And then he presented her with Tobias, complete with his own little ninja mask which matched the ones that her friends wore.

"Now he just needs an initiation into the Clan."

April tackle hugged him.

* * *

 _shinrin-yoku ~ a visit to the forest for relaxation; forest bathing_

April found Donnie running through the forest as he tried to escape Raph. She managed to grab hold of his hand before dragging him into the bushes.

"April? You're interrupting our turtle hunt."

"I'm sure you wanna skip out on cleaning the chicken coop. I wanna show you something."

She led him through the trees and then through a collection of dense bushes. They arrived at a small pool, too big to be a pond, too small to be a lake. The water was crystal clear, and also warm from having been exposed to the sun all day long.

"We always used to go swimming here." April kicked off her shoes before shamelessly removing her shirt. She had no swimming costume, so her underwear would have to do. "I'm gonna show the guys later, but I thought we could swim first. Just the two of us."

Donnie didn't answer, so she turned to see why – and got her answer in the form of his wide eyes as he gawked at her, his cheeks flaming red.

Taking advantage of his shock, she snatched his staff out of its strap with one hand and pushed him into the water with the other.

* * *

 _kachou fuugetsu ~ experience the beauties of nature, and in doing so learn about yourself_

In retaliation to April's little stunt, Donnie pulled her into the water after him. His heart skipped a delightful beat at the sound of her laughter.

They splashed each other, swam under water, floated on their backs, he managed to sneak up behind her and grab her playfully… It was more than he could've ever hoped for; ever dreamed of.

And when they needed to stop and rest, they climbed back onto the shore and sat down in the sun, holding hands.

The silence was one of peace and content, and Donnie's attention was drawn to the mountain in the distance. Tall, strong, firm; unmoving against even the strongest of winds.

"Don't think, feel," April had said to him before they left New York. Master Splinter had told him the same; to stop overthinking everything and just 'do it'.

He'd been overthinking everything with April. The chart he made, how to get her attention, what she thought of him, what was going on between her and Casey, dreading all the possible ways she could turn him down and break his heart…

But in the end, he didn't need to think about it.

With her, he wasn't thinking. He was feeling.

* * *

 _hanaemi ~ flowering smile; a smile that is as beautiful as blooming flowers_

Raph once asked his father how he fell in love with Tang Shen, and Splinter replied that it was her "flowering smile".

"I don't know whether to throw up or make _both_ of you clean the coop."

Donnie and April leapt to their feet. Both their cheeks were bright red.

"Raph, there's a logical explanation for this…"

"Don't bother." Raph rolled his eyes. "I already knew."

"You did?"

"We have thin walls."

The pair avoided his gaze, embarrassed. He tried to look and sound annoyed, but part of him was glad that his brother was happy; that April had accepted him despite what they were.

And the smile on April's face… So that's what Splinter meant by a flowering smile.

Yet one thing worried him. "Casey needs to know about this. He's been wondering why you're giving him the cold shoulder, April." Raph didn't want a big blowout to come from this. They had too much to worry about already.

"I know." April nodded. "I've been meaning to tell him. I just don't know how."

"What about the others?" asked Donnie. "Do they know?"

"Leo's been too busy with his leg to notice."

"And Mikey?"

Raph raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

* * *

 _meinichi ~ day of honour; the anniversary of someone's death_

"April…"

She was curled in a ball in the barn, close to where she'd defeated the _thing_ she'd thought was her mother. Her face was hidden, but she moved forwards slighting in invitation. Donnie sat down behind her, and she leaned into him for comfort.

"It wasn't her… So why am I upset?"

"Because for a short while, you thought it _was_ her. And in that sense, you still lost her all over again."

His arms circled her, and she was safe.

"I'm sorry I considered leaving," she told him.

"It's fine. You thought she was your mother. Parents are important."

"But I would've left you…" It was the hardest choice she'd ever faced; leaving with the mother she thought she'd lost, or staying with Donnie and the family she'd made with his. While she'd only been considering it due to Mikey's behaviour, she still felt terrible that she almost abandoned them.

She turned into Donnie's embrace and rested her head against him. She felt a tear on her head. Donnie wasn't saying it, and she doubted he'd admit it, but leaving him would've ripped his heart right out.

It almost made her glad the thing wasn't her mother.

Almost.

* * *

 _ikigai ~ reason for being; something one lives for; a reason to get up in the morning_

Donnie can pinpoint one moment when he'd been fighting at his best. When he'd been unstoppable. Untouchable.

That moment was when Karai had tried to kill April.

"You're not gonna touch her!" he had yelled, before disarming her.

There were many reasons why he was fighting, why he ventured out onto the streets every night, why he fought against the Foot and the Kraang. Because it was the right thing, to save innocent lives, because what else would they do with their skills as ninjas (that was more Raph's reason, but still).

But that single moment told him his biggest reason why: April.

It was the way she looked at him the first time they met; how she'd been counting on him and his brothers to save her. It was the gratitude she gave him when he saved her father (twice). It was the way she made him want to be better; a better scientist, a better fighter, a better hero…

A better person in general.

And it was this feeling he channelled when the Kraang attacked them, when they were out scavenging for spare parts.

Though judging by how fiercely April thought, it was the same for her, too.

* * *

 _miyabi ~ can sometimes refer to a heart-breaker_

April would be the first to admit that she's made some mistakes.

"Casey, stop!"

Casey was one of them.

Not being his friend, no, that was never a mistake. But using his crush on her, forcing herself to accept his attention in an attempt to forget about her feelings for Donnie…

It was the reason why the two were fighting so viciously. Over her.

She should have told him sooner. Should have set things straight.

Splinter had warned her, used what had happened to him as a cautionary tale. April had thought Casey would never go to those extremes…

Donnie was the better fighter, but Casey's rage drove him on. The boy threw the turtle against a wall, and the latter was dazed. Casey began to beat him with a hockey stick, _hurting_ him, and each hit was like a stab to her heart.

She felt her power build inside her, and directed it at Casey. The boy was sent flying backwards. Raph ran after him and pinned him to the ground, preventing him from getting up. "Casey! What the hell, man?!"

April rushed to Donnie's side. He wasn't too badly hurt, thankfully. She turned and sent Casey a glare.

* * *

 _nakama ~ a very good friend or comrade that one considers as family, even if they're not necessarily related_

April watched from the couch as Casey walked out of the dojo.

He looked guilty. It was clear that Splinter had gotten through to him; had told him the story of Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki, two brothers in arms, driven apart by the love of a woman and the uncontrollable rage that was jealousy.

Donnie began to move, but April placed a hand on his knee. They were going to wait to hear what Casey had to say.

The boy couldn't even look at them when he halted and started speaking. "I'm… I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me, and… I guess I just got so mad when I saw the two of you…"

"It was my fault, too," April said. "I should have sat down and told you sooner, instead of letting you find out like that." Walking in on them when they were kissing, right when he'd been prepared to ask her out? Yeah, not a great way to find out.

Casey shook his head. "That doesn't excuse my actions. What I did was wrong, and I'll do anything to make it up to you guys."

"At least you _have_ remorse," said Donnie. "Unlike Shredder."

* * *

 _nanakorobi yaoki ~ fall seven times and stand up eight_

Space was cold.

April guessed it was a combination of two things: lack of warmth from the sun, and the ship being made mostly of metal.

Though the loss of their home, family and friends was definitely a factor.

She was sat in a dark corner at the back of the ship. That was where Donnie found her, and wordlessly he sat by her side. He slipped an arm around her shoulder, and she leaned into his touch.

Their world was gone, something she never thought would happen until it did. It had always been a certainty for her; they always won. They always saved the day. But that day, they'd been too late, and their entire world had paid the price for their failure.

It was almost unreal. A part of her still thought this was one long nightmare she was having, and needed to wake up from.

"April…"

She gave him a look of determination. "We _will_ save them. We always come out on top. This time is no different, even if we did just…"

Witness the whole world go to hell.

"I know we will," Donnie assured her. "We'll see our family again, April. I promise you."

* * *

 _issho ni ~ together; in harmony or relationship with each other_

It was like a dance, when they sparred.

Elaborate, timed, graceful, smooth; she always knew where to place her foot, where to move her arm, for he always seemed to send her subconscious signals. They never landed a hit on the other (unless they let themselves for fun), they never faltered, they never wavered.

The world would always fall away. It didn't matter if there was no music, if they were missing the point of the sparring session. It didn't matter that the others were watching them with a collection of awe and amusement.

All that mattered was each other. They were in harmony with one another; creating something beautiful, together.

They only stopped when they grew tired, as much as they didn't want the dance to end. Drawing to a halt, they panted for breath and wiped the sweat from their brows, but both were smiling and didn't feel the burn of the exercise.

"Do you two wanna be alone?" Raph asked. He gave Casey a fist bump while Mikey started making kissy faces.

April and Donnie continued to ignore their audience. They shared a smile, which held a promise that they would dance again.

Always. Together. Just them.

* * *

 _setsunai ~ the feeling between bittersweet, painful and wistful; a heart-rendering emotion_

It was eating her away, piece by piece.

"April, listen to me, please."

But that's what guilt did.

"It wasn't you. It's not your fault."

"But it _was_ my fault. I didn't realize what the crystal was doing to me until it was too late. And because of that, you… What I did…"

Donnie, the last person she thought would forgive her, didn't leave her side. "April…"

He tried to touch her shoulder, but she jerked away. "How, Donnie?! I _killed_ you! I… I… I almost _lost_ you, and it was my fault. How can you forgive me for that?"

There was no anger. Not a single trace of it in his eyes.

"You already know."

She shook her head. "But… I… I don't understand…"

"It's because I love you, April."

It was too much. Too much.

Tears blinded her. She collapsed into a sobbing mess, lying on the floor as everything hit her; all the emotions she'd been trying to supress. She had expected him to leave her, to turn his back on her, and she wouldn't have blamed him.

But he didn't. Because he was Donnie.

He pulled her from the floor and comforted her with his embrace.

* * *

 _mono no aware ~ enjoying the sadness of the inevitable cycle of life_

April knew what it was like to lose a parent. But losing Splinter…

It tore at her heart, and she could only imagine what Donnie and his brothers were going through.

At first he cried, and April held him until his tears ran dry, listened to him as he told himself it was just a nightmare; that Splinter wasn't really gone.

Then he paced, angry at himself for falling for the diversion tactic that separated them; that allowed Shredder to get the better of them.

For a whole five minutes, he convinced himself that they could time travel again and stop it from happening, like they did before with the black hole generator. He talked himself out of it before April could.

The silence that followed lasted for hours. He sat staring at nothing, and April embraced him, silently letting him know she was there for him, when he wanted to open up and talk about it.

And then when the funeral came…

He stood in the gentle breeze, saddened… but in his eyes, there was _acceptance_.

"Splinter may be gone," he said to her later, "but that's how life works. We live, we die, we become one with nature."

* * *

 _ichi-go ichi-e ~ an encounter that only happens once in a lifetime_

Sometimes April wondered what her life would've been like had she not met the turtles.

Well, she would've ended up as a lab rat for the Kraang, if she was honest with herself. But what if she hadn't been a half Kraang mutant? What if she had just been an ordinary teenage girl?

Her mother would probably still be alive. Her biggest problems would be homework, zits, bad hair days and boys. She would graduate high school and go on to be a scientist, like her father. Then she would meet someone and settle down to start a family.

It all sounded so normal. And once upon a time, when the novelty of her situation had worn off and things just kept getting worse, she'd longed for the normalcy of life to return. She'd wanted to be a normal girl again.

Now? It just sounded so _boring_.

She much preferred what her life had become; surrounded by mutants, _family_ , who made the fight for her life every night worth it. Where every day was an adventure, and she had an amazing boyfriend to share them with.

Her life changed when she met Donatello.

And she was glad that it did.


End file.
